Posted on: 18 June 2015
Things started innocently for you at least. You may have only wanted a pal or a love interest to make your life feel complete. Now you are helping someone engage in seriously illegal activity, perhaps even something violent. How did things come this far and what can you do?
You Were Chosen
If you have partnered up with someone who has antisocial traits, they probably chose you as a potential partner, whether as a friend, lover, or spouse. You may have had certain traits or circumstances that this person was looking for and some of these would be:
· You were needy or insecure.
· You are younger than your partner.
· You may have mental or emotional problems.
· You had a lack of experience or education.
· You may possess borderline or dependent personality disorder traits--you don't like to make decisions on your own, you fear being alone, and you have a deep-seated need to follow someone else's lead, and/or you are easily bored.
You Have Been Manipulated, Step by Step
Your partner measured you up and worked slowly to see just what you would put up with and how far you would go. You may have started out with some rigid or strong moral beliefs but gradually you adopted your partner's. The process goes like this:
· Your partner did something just a little unusual or weird. If you are in a sexual relationship, they might have encouraged you to participate in an act that was unusual, but not yet beyond the pale. If you are friends, they may have dared you to do some small illegal act. In other words, the person put the bait out there and you took it, whereas the majority of people would not. If you had not engaged in the act or expressed disapproval, they may have pretended that they were merely putting you on, to save face.
· As your relationship with this person grew, they stepped up their game, gradually conning you to engage in escalating behaviors with increasing consequences.
· They will reduce their time and attention they give you in order for you to be motivated to keep playing their games. When you do what they want, they may reward you with expressions of love, friendship, kinship, etc., but often this is short-lived.
· They isolate you from family, friends, and other sources of support.
· They may also abuse you mentally, verbally, or physically. They may threaten to kill you even, and from the behaviors you have already seen from them, you have little or no doubts that they are capable of doing it.
What You Need to Realize
You have become the proverbial frog in the cooking pot. The water was fine when you first got in, but it gradually grew very uncomfortable. Now your life and liberty are endangered. You have to realize that this person may have a limited or non-existent capacity for true affection and that you have been used. You could desperately want out, but you feel you have no options.
There is a way out, but you have to summon some courage.
What You Need to Do
You will need to seek some support to build up the strength to do what you know you need to do. The support person may be a parent or relative, teacher, therapist, or religious professional. It should be someone whom you know you can trust, is not afraid to be honest with you, and will help you do the right thing.
You should also consult with a criminal defense lawyer such as Eric J. Engan Attorney At Law and tell them what has been going on. An attorney can help you understand your rights and begin assisting you to prepare a defense for any criminal charges.
Of course, if someone is in danger, you should not delay informing the police so that the person can receive assistance or be alerted to avoid being victimized.Share